i’d like to take a moment of your time to talk about candy.
my mom makes a big deal out of birthdays. if she birthed you, she cares to remember it. starting when i went away to connecticut to be schooled, and i wasn’t able to be with her on my birthday, she celebrated it by sending me absurd packages. for one thing, i always got a full-sized cheesecake. and sophomore year, i got this pinata. (as seen in the picture above where i am wearing orange silk). the pinata, as with any good pinata, was filled with candy.
before i left for winter break i left the pinata in my then-boyfriend’s dorm room. i had to be back at school early january for hockey and the only people on campus at the time were other winter athletes. my then-boyfriend was still in wisconsin. one night i decide i need candy. you know what that’s like. so i call him, “eduardo.”
me: eduardo, i hate you. my pinata is in your room.
eduardo: this is not a big deal, i break into my room all the time.
me: oh eduardo, you latin smokestack. how do i get in?
eduardo: climb out the hallway window, my supermodel in skates, and climb along the ledge to my window, which i left unlocked.
me: sounds good. enjoy the rest of your acid trip.
so i opened the hallway window and climbed out onto the ledge. it was only about a half a story up. between the hallway window and eduardo’s window there was a part of the wall that jutted out, and the length of this part was shorter than the span of eduardo’s arms, so this spot had not been a problem for him, nor had he thought to notify me of it. well my arms could only just reach, so i ended up stranded on the ledge of a dorm in january while trying to rescue a pinata from a locked dorm room.
candy never tasted so good.