tales from a master channeler

i am very blessed. i am often gifted with the ability to see the future. I was so blessed on a “bus” ride from antigua, guatemala to panajachel.

peter’s future life:

peter will enjoy life with his partner carmen diaz by his side. carmen. they will live in a house in san francisco with their four children. peter will drive a helicopter to his job as a fart collector/detective. as if that’s not a good enough life, peter will have the magic ability to know what dogs are thinking while they sleep, which will unfortunately not help him with his own pet, a llama.

matt’s future life:

i can’t remember what “o” means, but we added o to mash to make it more spanish. whatever it is, matt will live there, with me. he will wear scratchy wool long-johns. he will spend most of his time on his hobby, eating corn one kernel at a time, or otherwise driving his semi-truck. he will have the ability to predict the exact moment when mail will be delivered. he will have the body type of a 3’7” guatemalan vendor lady, and he’ll pal around with his bff peter. matt will leave a legacy of having the strongest ass for the world to remember him by.

britt’s future life:

unfortunately for matt, britt’s future doesn’t include him. instead, britt will marry carmen diaz. her staple food will be pineapples, and her fart type will be juicy. her favorite contraceptive will be the sponge, and her deep dark secret is that she doesn’t know toni braxton from tracy chapman. she will work as a hidden dishwasher with a guilty pleasure for eating twinkie filling. she’ll have pet hound who lives in the mansion with her and carmen.