OmGOD all I want to do right now is list things I dislike. Like my momma always said, MY BLOG, MY RULES. Actually my momma always said, “dad’s out of town, if you’re hungry you know where the cereal is.”
I’m not even in a bad mood. I’m rarely in a bad mood. But I just feel like I need to tell you that I dislike some stuff and this is it:
Strange flavors in baked goods. Cilantro pineapple cookies. Lavender blueberry muffin. Curry peanut butter cookies. It’s so gross I could cry. Though, demonstrating my self-awareness, I will admit that I’m not that big a fan of “flavors.” I love shredded wheat, vanilla ice cream, plain doughnuts, rice cakes, and I don’t use spices besides salt, pepper, and red pepper flakes. Can we vote on if this is strange or not?
Passive aggressive social media dear so and so letters. "Dear Portland, thanks for nothing, Love Britt.” “Dear Donald Trump, your hair reminds me of when I was little and I was caught in a lie and kept denying and denying even though everyone know I was lying, love Britt.”
The use of personal voicemails in R&B or rap songs. What is UP with this trend, lately? I want to listen to Frank Ocean without having to sift through his voice mailbox. If you’re gonna mix voicemails into songs could you at least use my voicemails so that I actually listen to them?
When girls refer to hanging out with other girls as a date (unless it’s actually a date). I also hate the term “girl crush.”
Cupcakes. There are a million other things I’d rather indulge in. Though, is that all you have? Okay fine. I’ll eat one.
The movement of small creatures. Especially at night. I’m looking at you, mice. And you, shadows.
Chipped nailpolish. I obsess over it and make myself neurotically miserable.
Starting a sentence with “I’m sorry, but…” No. or “Don’t hate me…” I didn’t before but now I do or “Don’t be mad” I’m furious or “Can I ask you a huge favor.” No.
When I have to pee in the night when I’m camping and I don’t go because of mountain lions. I hate that.
This one lady I worked with at the farmer’s market. Do you know her? She’s awful.
How when I guiltily drool over clothes online, their ads then follow me around the internet. I wanted that top for a SECOND, Forever21. It’s over. Let it go.
When people post every single picture they took of something on FB. Including duplicates, blurry photos, even ones they didn’t rotate to be right side up.
When you’re in the bath already but it’s not hot enough. It is for this reason alone that I employ a full-time butler.
Being called quirky. There’s gotta be a better way for you to tell me that you think I’m strange.
When I argue with people in my dreams. Especially my butler.
When celebrities say they “deserve” their riches because they work hard. Beyonce said this in an interview recently, and for a minute I was mad at her and then I remembered being mad at Beyonce is a complete waste of my time, because loving Beyonce is a way better use of my time. And the last thing I want is to argue with Beyonce in my dreams.
When people don’t like dogs. ????
When people use their self-important voice to talk about travel. Oh you haven’t been to Southeast Asia? Oh you MUST go. You’d love it.
Related, when people assign an entire culture one characteristic. Africans have such amazing posture!
In college, the people who acted like they were the only ones going through finals. I am SO stressed! I have 1400 papers to write and I don’t own any pencils!!!
Most sarcasm. Sarcasm is by far the easiest form of humor and puts this big negative lens over your brain and eyes and you become this overly-critical, negative person. I’d rather people be open-hearted and sweet and humorless than snarky and sarcastic. I’m looking at you, Jezebel.com commentors.
Is there stuff you dislike? Let me hear it, and together, we can build a better world. Just kidding, this world is broken. Just kidding.